Still Alive

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“It was sad music. But it waved its sadness like a battle flag. It said the universe had done all it could, but you were still alive.”

~ Terry Pratchett

I’ll be honest, I’m pretty miserable. I don’t know what the point of this post is, but I figure that writing is like draining the poison out of myself. Something like that.

I’ve come a long way. It’s been a long, hard journey. And often it’s been lonely. For once, though, I have people I can talk to. And I have, all three of them. I know three isn’t a big number. It’s an odd number, an unlucky roll on the dice, but the thing is guys, it’s a lot better than zero. And that’s what I had before. Frankly, a couple years ago I would have been on the ground, literally screaming as loud as I could, begging to be acknowledged by somebody, begging for attention, for love. But I am here now, dry eyed, my heart falling apart… the difference is the rest of me is remaining intact.

Now, after two years of healing and growing, I have a future, I have friends like family and even though my heart is broken and I would like nothing more than to bash my head as hard as I can against  the concrete walls of this house… I’m sitting here writing this. Believe me, that’s big news. That’s a f****** revelation.

So now I want to thank everyone. And I mean everyone. The people who broke my heart, the people who’s hearts I broke, the friends I had – good and bad – and the authors of the books I read. The creators of the films that kept me going. The friends I have now. WordPress, for being here when I was at my worst and letting me make a blog. My followers and readers, thank you for being here, I really appreciate it so much. And finally, my sister, my brother, and my best friend. Thank you, everyone. And last but not least… thanks, universe. You’re crap sometimes but you’re always trying to atone for it. You’re doing well.

I guess I’m living proof that progress is a thing, and time does actually heal. What doesn’t kill you makes you… I’m not even gonna start on why that last saying is such bullshit. But hey. Maybe I’ll be okay. And maybe is better than nothing.

And trust me, this is coming from the most pessimistic person I’ve ever met: moi.

Over and out, for now…

4 thoughts on “Still Alive

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  1. I’m glad that you have good friends to get you through things! Everyone gets down, or feels like “what’s the point” sometimes, at least you have someone to pick you up, dust you off… And slap you across the face to say “MOVE ON!” Because, isn’t that what friends are for?? 💖💖 I hope you feel better!! 💕😙

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  2. There’s something in psychology called post-traumatic growth, which is basically transforming that initial trauma into a staircase to the next stage of life. In thanking the people and circumstances of your past, as well as acknowledging the current blessings in your life, it sounds like you’ve gone through that process. Keep going–you’re doing a great job! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ve never heard of that before! It sounds very accurate though 😀 Thank you so much ^ ^
      I truly love your blog, you’re so inspiring! Just reading your blog for a while I became proud of you! Keep up your awesomeness 😀 ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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Queer librarian blogs mostly about books

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