I wish it wasn’t such an effort to say the right thing.
What used to come easily is now stilted, filtered until the real meaning is so diluted that it’s a completely different colour.
Why is it so hard for me to say what I mean?
Well, I do know why.
But being hurt has never scared me before… still, experience is a killer.
No matter how hard I try, I can’t invest like I used to.
Whatever I do, I feel like I’ll end up hated and abandoned again.
Which is why I find myself writing and re-writing messages, clamming up, lying by ommission, leaving my phone off for days.
I don’t like the cynic I’m becoming.
In fact, I’m quite scared of her.