What Could Have Been


It’s your birthday today. I did the good friend thing, I sent you messages and told you to call anytime.

Not that you’d want to.

God, I wish we’d worked out.

What I wouldn’t give, just to be able to pick up the phone and say, “Hi. I love you. Happy birthday!”

But I can’t. For so many reasons. Life deals some shitty cards sometimes.

I know you’ve had a hard time since we broke up, and I wish you’d let me be there for you, because I really do love you.

Just… not in the way you want me to.

I might be seeing you again soon. I’m so nervous. I don’t want to hurt you, but I’m a pretty toxic person – no, okay, I need to stop calling myself that. I hurt people without meaning to, that’s my problem.

So I’m really, really scared of hurting you again. Lonely people do stupid things.

But I swear, I will do everything in my power to protect you from the evil side of my brain.

I won’t let it hurt you.


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Almost, Almost

Queer librarian blogs mostly about books

© Felipe Adan Lerma - All Rights Reserved - Blogging at WordPress Since 2011 :)

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